Didn't feel really good today. When I woke up at 6:25am, I couldn't move. My throat was killing me also. My whole body felt as if I had run a marathon the day before. Basically, I was too sick to go for work. Wanted to call to inform them, but it was too early. Slept awhile more, woke up at 8 to message Chris to tell Kelvin that I couldn't go for work. Would have called Kelvin, but my voice was almost gone.
Spent quite a lot of time reminiscing and listening to songs. Wrote down my feelings in a letter. Been doing that a lot, but I know I won't be sending it. Went to see the doctor after dinner. Shen came over to pick up his drumset. He's using it for filming in school tomorrow. My room feels more spacious now. Went to see the doctor after that. Feeling drowsy now.. The cough medicine seems to be working. I think i'll go to bed soon...
::: Lyric of the Day :::
She'll lead you down a path
There'll be tenderness in the air
She'll let you come just far enough
So you know she's really there
She'll look at you and smile
And her eyes will say
She's got a secret garden
Where everything you want
Where everything you need
Will always stay
A million miles away
This wasn't a bad weekend. Saturday was spent all the way at Yishun. Accompanied Matthew cos he was singing with Junaidi's band. I just went to watch. It wasn't bad at all. A little bit messy but i had fun just watching and singing along. Was supposed to have a jamming session of my own with Kevin, Gordan and another guy from Church of our Saviour but it was cancelled.
Had to rush down to church after the jamming session for seeker service practice. Had a lot of things to finalise for the skit. Had sore eyes midway through the practice. It was quite bad. Also had this wheezing cough which got on my nerves. Went home at around 11-ish.
Went to church at 8:45am for make-up... They made me look like one of the members from KISS. Hahaha... I'll upload the pictures when i get them. Went out with Cedric, Nathan, Jeremy and Eileen last night. What can I say? Nothing new. We watched 'Once upon a time in Mexico' at Orcard Cineleisure. Not a bad show, but the volume was too loud and the censorship board made the movie impossible to follow. Antonio Banderas still rules!
There are still things I shouldn't say. Not now... Not yet...
::: Lyric of the Day :::
I know something is wrong, I just dont know what to do.
You say it's only me and that I'm so perfect for you.
I don't want to try no more, I dont want to make this right.
I just want you to be true with me, one time.
The diversity of mankind is too vast to ever be classified. You just cannot generalise anyone. But we still try... We try so that we can get a grip on how we should react to certain people or in certain situations. The same way we try to create 'steps' or 'procedures'. So that we have some sort of road map to follow. But some things are just impossible to understand. Sure, we conduct studies, surveys, tests and interviews to try and milk out information on what people are like. How accurate are these tests? They rely on the subjects understanding of himself/herself. And what happens if I don't understand myself? What if I honestly think that I'm this sort of person. I've met countless people who are far from what they think they are.
Then there are things like opinions, backgrounds, relativity, situations, environments and emotions to consider aren't there? To one person, being kind might mean giving money to charities. But to another, that may not be enough, instead giving time to help old ladies cross streets. Sometimes I wish I could just wrap myself up in my blanket and work on my own relationship with God. So I won't have to hear judgements being passed about other people and keep wondering what people think of me.
But that won't make things any better would it?
These verses really hit me when i came across them.
::: Verse of the Day :::
Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!
O people of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you.
Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them.
Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, 'This is the way; walk in it.'
Then you will defile your idols overlaid with silver and your images covered with gold; you will throw them away like a menstrual cloth and say to them, 'Away with you!' "
| Isaiah 30:18-22 |
Went to watch 'Pirates of the Carribean' with the cell (Pat, Gloria & Gan). Jolene came also. Its a nice show. Maybe a little overrated but still nice. Johnny Depp is so talented it hurts... Haha. The movie ended at 11:10pm... Manage to bump into Nathan while walking to the busstop and we got a lift from him home. Talked to Pat again. Again i hear the phrase, 'You still have a long way to go'. How long, how long?
Been thinking more about people's character and how this affects Christians. For example, to one person(A), Christians shouldn't go clubbing. But to another(B), clubbing may be completely fine. So who is right and who is wrong?
Is A right? If he says that when you spend time with God, you'll desire less of the things in the world. Thats true, but wouldn't that make you a dreadfully dull person who wouldn't be able to relate to people who are 'of the world'?
Or is B right? Subjecting himself to temptations? Or being the salt and light of the world with people he knows and having fun at the same time? So many things to consider... How is it possible to judge a man by his actions?
Should A be more open to the 21st century or should B stop going so as not to become a 'stumbling block'? Where is the line drawn? Who draws it? And then here we move into legalism... No clubbing on saturday nights. Women shall not wear skirts or low cut outfits. All forms of jewellery shall be thrown away. You must spend no less than an hour reading the bible everyday.
Its all very confusing...
| 1 Corinthians 10 | |
|---|---|
| v23 | "Everything is permissible"--but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible"--but not everything is constructive. |
| v24 | Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others. |
| v31 | So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. |
| v32 | Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God-- |
| v33 | even as I try to please everybody in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved. |
Read this in the papers yesterday... Interesting...
KANGAROO SAVES MAN
------------------MELBOURNE - A kangaroo saved a farmer's life by alerting his family that he was lying unconscious in a field, ambulance workers said yesterday.
The kangaroo began banging on the door of the family home in Morwell, eastern Victoria, during weekend storms in the area, Rural Ambulance Victoria paramedic Eddie Wright told a Melbourne radio station.
Mr Leonard Richards, 52, had been checking his property for storm damage, when he was hit on the head by a falling branch on Sunday morning, about 200m from the house. He was knocked unconscious and could have died had he not been found so quickly, the paramedic said.
"The kangaroo alerted them to where he was and went and sat down next to him and that's how they found him," he said. "The farmer's wife followed the kangaroo because he was acting out of character."
The kangaroo was wild, Mr Wright said, but had been adopted by the family around a decade ago because it was blind in one eye. It's about 10 years old and thinks it is a dog, he said. "It's not a pet as such, it's just an animal that's adopted them over the years and comes and goes as it pleases, they were lucky yesterday it was in the area."
Entire day spent in church today. Started at 8:30 in the morning... Had to act in the skit for Youth Camp Publicity. Then had to cover for Adric in drums... First song was quite messy but worship was good. Felt refreshed since friday... But as the weekend comes to a close, I find myself getting more weary. Maybe cos I'm physically tired from a long day today.
Had practice for seeker service... 2-ish to 7-ish. Had a lot of time to think in between scenes. So many thoughts which I don't know how to translate into words. So many choices... Many choices which aren't necessarily wrong... But maybe not be the best step to take. But sometimes I get so frustrated at thinking and praying about making the right choices when I can just choose MY way... Saves the headache. But it isn't the best path. And I can't be sure that I'm under His hand if I go my own way. You see the dilemma? Maybe you might not understand... Thats ok. I don't understand myself sometimes too...
::: Song of the Day :::
It's so hard, believe in things,
that you can't see yourself, see yourself.
Behind the scene, lies more then
you can understand yourself, stand yourself.
Then they'll tell you what you want to hear,
when they're done, will you still live in fear?
And everything you said to me put me on my knees,
and everything you said to me put me on my knees.
I can't believe a thing you say
I can't believe a thing you say.
You're told that selfishness will guide your path.
What will you do when that just dosen't last?
Its so hard to believe in you
I'm not quite clear what I should do
And now I know that you're the only one,
but do they know that you're the only one.
It's so hard to, believe in things that you can't see.
| acceptance - things you say |
End of the week already... Quite fast. Just got back from church... Prayer meeting was amazing. I've never felt everyone so fired up before. It must be the desire. Can't wait for more. I have a greater work to do. This is so exciting!!! Will update more tomorrow.
Had an entry yesterday... But my window got closed by another website. Sigh... I think i understand why i prefer packed weekends now... So that I don't have to be reminded... But I cannot escape it. Its almost inevitable. But I guess I should be thankful that I can always think about Him.
Andy & Valerie's wedding was sweet. As usual it made me think. Who, when and how. (Dale said, 'Aiyoh! Please lah. Still so long to go!') But I'm very happy for Andy. I think God has really blessed him. The wedding dinner was very good as well. I loved the photo album displayed outside the banquet hall. The photos were beautiful, really brought out the character of the both of them very well... Now I understand why they spent so much time with the photo shoots.
Yesterday, I had to make an announcement over the pulpit about the youth camp. I dunno why, but i was nervous like nobody's business... I think my voice was quivering. Harhar... Was supposed to play the drums for worship practice too, since Cedric couldn't make it. But Adric, the intern drummer, was there so I let him get a taste of playing for worship. Still have a lot to learn, but you only learn by playing. Feel like I've come a long way in drumming. Now I'm helping to teach techniques and playing styles. I guess thats how it works doesn't it?
My knee is killing me. Fell off a bike yesterday while going to retrieve the soccer ball from the canal beside my estate. The brakes of the bike were worn. And I couldn't stop when I was losing control of the bike. There's a gash on my shoulder and also on my hand when i tried to cushion my fall. I feel like I'm getting old. :P Still played soccer after that though. Scored a goal too. But could feel my knee swelling after I went home to bathe...
Need to get back right with God again. Don't like to feel like a hypocrite when I'm talking to others.
::: Lyric of the Day :::
This Touch. Last touch.
This touch, won't break me.
A word too soft to be spoken.
Wrapped in barbed wire.
And traveling amongst the charred, fields of snow.
I have become.. wounded.
For the souls lost in this display of self rightous ideals.
Break for I'm the one who deserves this pain.
The innocent will find.
The innocent will find their place in heaven.
I think her articles are really good...
The New Sexual Temptation
by Camerin Courtney
Sexual temptation ain't what it used to be.
When I was a kid, Three's Company was a controversial TV show for us younger viewers. For about half my friends and classmates, this "risqué" program, in which two women and one guy shared an apartment strictly for financial reasons, was off-limits.
Flash forward a couple decades, and it's difficult to find a TV show without at least one cohabiting couple, who are sharing living quarters for reasons that are far from fiscal. And on the commercial breaks during these shows, sex is used to sell everything from organic shampoo to health club memberships.
For these reasons and many more, if you gathered ten typical Christians in a room and asked them what they think the biggest struggle is for their single sisters and brothers, I bet a majority of them would mention sexual temptation.
It's a good guess. But it's wrong. When we posed this question to you single readers, sexual temptation ranked third (with 15 percent of the vote), behind loneliness (32 percent) and trying to be content in my current life stage (24 percent).
I have a pretty good idea why this issue didn't rank any higher: It's difficult to be tempted sexually when you haven't been on a date in a couple years!
Over the past many months we've also conducted polls and asked for feedback that's revealed a trend of Christian singles dating less and less. So, it's perfectly logical that sexual temptation is taking a back seat to other more pressing and relevant issues.
However, the many e-mails I received last week in response to my admission that I've watched a few episodes of that new TV show Queer Eye for the Straight Guy reminded me of a more subtle form of sexual temptation I think we singles in particular need to guard against: In today's entertainment culture, it's easy to get desensitized to sexual ethics and practices that are contrary to our Christian beliefs. In other words, the new battleground for sexual temptation isn't the bedroom, but our brains.
I'm startled every now and then when watching Friends or Alias or the latest blockbuster flick to find myself not at all fazed when a couple winds up in bed together on the first date, or when I find myself even rooting for the consummation of a long-awaited romance or the breakup of a marriage so a third party can enter the scene.
I'm not proud of these things, but they're true. And I know from a few candid conversations with friends that there are many of us desperately trying to keep from being products of our over-sexualized culture.
So how do we do that?
If you think I'm going to suggest tossing your TV or watching only PAX programming and reading only the Left Behind series, you're wrong (unless you feel called by God to do so). Not only would that lead to a dreadfully narrow intake of artistic stimuli, it would make us woefully irrelevant to peers outside the Christian subculture. In fact, one of the most effective outreaches my church has staged recently is a film festival, in which we showed some strategically selected movies and then discussed the spiritual and ethical themes therein.
But on the other hand, there have been times when I've opted out of a movie outing, quit reading a novel, or decided to stop watching certain TV shows altogether, such as Queer Eye or Will and Grace, because, though popular and often well-written, they've had me laughing at or rooting for things that are quite contrary to my beliefs. And, let's face it, as single people, when we get aroused by certain scenes in movies or in books, there's not much that's healthy we can do with those feelings.
Sometimes I'm even more concerned about the subtle ways "reality" dating shows, romantic comedies, and the new genre of "chick lit" can shape our expectations for the opposite sex and for romantic relationships. Drawing from these sources, it's easy to believe singles are always buff, shallow, witty, catty, and drawn to hot tubs. But even a cursory glance around your local singles group, mall, or crowded movie theater will reveal that reality is so much less "glamorous" and so much more refreshingly diverse.
There are times I feel a bit prudish by deeming certain shows a no-go for myself or drawing other lines. But when I remember that God's just as concerned about our thoughts and motives as our actions (Matthew 5:21-22, 27-28), I know this is the right thing to do. And when I'm spared that niggling feeling of guilt when finishing a novel or walking out of a movie theater, I experience a refreshing peace of mind.
This whole topic seems to me just another reason our relationship with God needs to be daily and active, and why we need to allow him into the messier parts of our life. I need his guidance to know how to make these seemingly minor decisions that help form my paradigm about major issues. He knows my weaknesses and areas in which I'm especially susceptible and can help me make wise choices that will protect me from unhealthy thoughts or actions.
This is also a reason we need to allow others who share our faith into the messier parts of our lives as well. I need the loving accountability of friends who will call me on certain decisions when I'm perhaps tuning out God's voice or having a difficult time hearing it. What a vital role we can play in each other's lives, drawing us closer to each other and to God, as we take the risk to be real with one another.
And hopefully, when those few coveted dates do finally happen in our lives, we'll be well equipped to draw lines and make decisions that, though they may seem boring by entertainment media standards, will lead to the kind of fulfilling happy endings that only the best Author and Director could create.
Blessings!
Camerin Courtney
Back home now... Went to Sim Lim to meet Ziig and Matt just now. Ziig and I were buying a present, a discman, for Matt. And he was right there with us. :P Anyway, my 'elaborate' plan to surprise him didn't go so well. But glad he likes it. Had a good chat about the band under one of the blocks just now. About the band needing to shape up considerably.
As I was complaining earlier... about the world being so judgmental. Its not like I've never experienced those things. (Except the sleeping around part...) Its just that I choose not to? Not that I don't enjoy those things. Its just that I don't crave it. I don't need it... Is there anything wrong with that? Am I being stiff? I don't think so... I've found something else which satisfies so much more than what the world can offer. Who's losing out? I'm SATISFIED... I don't have to go on chasing pointless things, putting on false fronts, lying to myself and to others around me.
Check out this Blog. Notice anything familiar? Notice something similar in the posts? Killer... ROAR!!
Anyway, been reading about this new website which detects plagiarism... Its here... It allows teachers, lecturers to submit essays of students. The program then checks with its database to see if the essay has been plagiarised. Quite amazing... But kinda irritating too. I think it'll become quite big in Singapore soon if it hasn't already. Haha.
| Jealousy | |
 | |
| Your score = 42 |  |
Most people experience a certain amount of fear that their loved one could leave them for someone else. After all, these things happen, and when they do, it is usually very painful. You fit right into this usual range - certain situations may spark feelings of jealousy, but generally you are not preoccupied with the fear of losing your partner. If you were honest with yourself while taking the test, this means that you are secure, strong, independent and rational enough to recognize the possibility of losing your partner to someone else, but not be consumed by it. That does not mean that you do not care; you would certainly be as sad or crushed as anybody else. However, you know that if it ever happens, you will survive with your self-esteem and dignity intact. You realize that even though you might love your partner very much, s/he is not the only fish in the sea, and that you would eventually find happiness with someone else. Such feelings give you a sense of security and the strength to trust, and allow you to be comfortable in the relationship. That, in turn, boosts the chances of a lasting and fulfilling relationship.
Take the Jealousy Test
(for women)
(for men)
Quite a repetitive day today... Burnt the CDs for SAS online documentation. Now waiting for the installation on one of the PCs to be completed. I think i must have accidently cancelled the installation process so we had to install again. Volunteered to stay back to finish up. Cos its time to go home already...
We (Kelvin, Ganesh, Chris & I) were chatting just now. I really think they don't know the real me... I'm quite quiet at work. Maybe they think I'm those withdrawn types... Maybe they think I'm boring.
Isn't this what the world will see you as? If you don't go clubbing, you're boring. If you don't hang out late into the night, you're a goody-two-shoes. If you choose not to sleep around, you're frigid. Whats up with that? Who set the rules for this damned life?
Installation completed... Will update again on this...
Kena scolding by God... :-(
::: Verse of the Day :::
A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold.
A prudent man sees danger and takes refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it.
| Proverbs 22:1,3 |
Good evening... Today was a relatively good day. Praise God for that. Went to work on time and worked overtime even... haha. Wanted to go Sim Lim after work so I took 66... Somehow missed the stop and after going 'i dunno where'. I ended up along Jalan Eunos. Thought a lot on the bus... Especially about what I've become. I didn't realise until Andy told me on Sunday... I've built up a reputation for myself already. And I shouldn't throw it all away by doing foolish things. I think he's absolutely right... A few months ago, I asked God to let me be used by Him... I better not blow this chance.
Also thought about looking at the big picture. I realise that when I step back a look at what i'll become, things don't look so bad... Its when i start zooming on how lonely I am or how much I miss her that things get unbearable. I actually had to move my head back while I was in the bus to 'look at the big picture' :P Maybe its not as bad as it seems... Maybe someday I'll accept the fact.
Bought a CD yesterday from Wake Me Up Music... The Gloria Record!!! Emo to the max... KILLER DEALER!!! Actually I went to get dashboard confessional's new album... But it was sold out. Sad. All the way to Queenstown and back... I've been having problems with public transport lately... Dunno why. For example, I know I have to get down at the next stop... But I just zonk out and only realise when the doors are closing... Weird.
ITS NOT TIME... Goodnight...
What can I say? What excuse do I have? None at all... I chose to do it. And I regret it. Didn't rely on God again. Tried to take things in my own hands. Tell you something. My own efforts almost always brings zero results. Dear Lord... I'm sorry. There's this feeling of dread that what i've done may be irreversible... But I spent saturday night asking for forgiveness...
ROAR!!!! Irritated at how the world just chugs on... Not caring about how I'm feeling right now. Not depressed... but annoyed at myself. Andy rebuked me today. I realise how important it is to never do that again. Not just for reputation, but as a testimony to God.
To Matt & Jean: Trust me... I won't do it again. Not until its over. This is a promise I'm making to the both of you... Thanks for listening.
Went for practice with Band 3 after church today. I'm not in their band but just decided to help out with the acoustic guitar. It was so fun!! Really look forward to playing next week. Actually I was just wanting to talk to Patricia about something... In the end, i didn't get to talk to her either. :P
I'll keep my distance... I stay consistent...
For now at least...
Just a little while more...
::: Quote of the Day :::
"The bottom line of faith is summed up in simple terms. Believe it before you see it. Faith is your positive response to what God has said. When a heart is full of faith, it will always do what it takes to dispel doubt and fear.
You have to go with what you know, not what you feel. Faith comes by hearing the Word of God. So, the more you hear, the more you know."
Question: What role does attractiveness play in this love/lust equation?
Answer: We find that highly attractive couples tend to divorce more — probably because they have more opportunities to form new relationships. In general, we tend to couple with people who have a similar level of attractiveness. We also find that men tend to fall for pretty faces, while women are highly attracted to men with fat wallets. From an evolutionary standpoint, this makes sense because men are looking to improve their gene pool while women are looking for men who will help to support their children.
Came across this while reading an article online. Forgive me if i sound a little bitter... Just disgusted at humanity in general. According to this 'study', if I'm not good-looking, i have to be rich. If I'm not rich, I have to be good looking. If I'm good-looking I'll take it for granted. If I'm rich, I'll wonder if she really loves me. If I'm neither... help...! Thank God that the types of people aren't reduced to those who are found in studies.
I've realised that I've been yearning for contact a lot... As I look back over the past few months. I've been hugging my dog more often. Which brings me to another thought. Maybe you don't miss her, maybe you miss being in close contact with someone. Recently, I had another one of those, 'i-wouldn't-mind-getting-to-know-her-more' kind of situation. I would have, i could have... But as usual, not yet. I wonder whether this is how people lose sight of morality or standards. Because they are worn out by attrition. Attrition means something is being slowly worn out because of constant stress. Yes... Secondary 4 geography lesson for you right there. THATS WHY ITS SO IMPORTANT TO KNOW WHAT AND WHY YOU'RE DOING THIS FOR, YOU FOOL!
But in all fairness, God has been great. Always surpassing my expectations. When you think that you've experienced it all, He comes at you at another angle saying, 'HA!!! YOU DIDN'T EXPECT THAT, DID YOU???'
I'm still in need of a little more fine tuning. My greatest fear is that after the one year, I still won't be where God wants me to be. :-( Bought a necklace with a cross on Sunday. I like it a lot. Especially when it serves as a reminder to do Quiet Time or to 'behave' myself. Haha... Not that I should rely on it more than the Spirit. :P
The Visits
